L337 Theory

Travis HedgeCoke just wrote:

L337 Theory
“Theory that the traits of internet memes, txt-speke,and L337 are evidence of a growing tendency towards a global village mentality focused on promoting unified and total non-condemnation based on universally-shared failure and a sense of accomplishment that leads to the promotion of artificial difficulty and intensity in situations of extreme comfort.

The theory also considers that this mentality and social unification is encouraged by constant backtracking, and accepted before-the-fact covering for each other, as demonstrated by continuing to use interesting misspellings, enthusiasm for acronyms and intentional artifice such as LOLcats or affected personae, as well as deliberately ludicrous or only slightly defensible statements such as those defining L337 Theory itself.”

The theory was first published by its original author on a personal page of a graduate student from the University of California:


“The beauty of the L337 Age is that nothing has to be deliberate. ZOMG was undoubtedly unintentional the first time. L337 and txt-speke, the acronyms,shorthands, and frequently resuscitated references to All your bases or The Game are designed not to exclude or be impenetrable, but to deescalate to equalized supremacy. L337 is predicated on covering, not only your own, but everyone’s. Group lying for the betterment of all.

Of course you know how to spell “has” or “be right back” but why should you have to? When Pee-Wee Herman falls of that bike, no matter how he does it, he meant to do it. So, too, now, the world. We look at the extant world and declare, We meant to do that. The Game is a perfect meme in the L337 Age because The Game is impossible to surmount. The only way to win is to not think about The Game and losing must be announced. Our greatness is that we are so great we can be united by our failure. This is why “made of fail” has fallen to the wayside while “ftw” continues strong; why LOLcats detourned LOLcats.

There is no longer any excuse for not coping. We have a massive nonphysical playground to embarrass and shame ourselves with, to lionize even the most minor of events and nothing so obscure it is not permanently rooted and recoverable. Our grandchildren’s grandchildren’s weird robot puppy caretakers will be pulling up a forgotten flash file and an entire generation will have badger badger badger running through their wifi-bugged, UV-proofed heads. “You’ve got suck factor Ha Ha Ha” may be old school mentality, but could you have had cheesing thirty, seventy, or one thousand years ago? Cheesing, being simply doing the same thing over and over very quickly because it works.

Modern military maneuvers and most empires in history, are all based entirely in cheesing. In repeating the same once-effective set of actions in the hope no one will have time to work around it and the situation itself won’t shift and make the action inefficient.

Militaries and the maintainers of empires throughout time have generally not seen this habits, this mindset, as cheesing, though. They see it as the only way.

You invest in the concept of cheesing when things are felt to be otherwise too easy. It isn’t about simplification or efficiency, it’s about encouraging inefficiency for the sake of pride. But it’s inefficiency only in things, in situations, that do not actually matter. It’s a pick and choose vigor linear cultures and mindsets have trouble with.

L337 Theory, then, has as its basic principle, the reasoning that given our current supermarvelous conditions of culture, technology, and potential, it not only entertains, but particularly behooves us to anticipate and presume from any and all, absolute and deserving deification. We must GOD ourselves. As well, we must behave accordingly. The raising of self, of simultaneously raising all individuals in anti-damnation, to this level and expectation has, or should have, no detrimental or derogatory effect denying any individual the same elevation.

Thus, is language to be perpetually shifted – we are all capable of still interpreting proper and functional meanings, regardless of flaws or variations. Music, dancing, sex and socialization must all be made anew. This, then, is a perpetual extropic state, which in, the only stabilizing response is to enjoy; to make of anything not humorous, a joke. To establish methods to transfigure all sufferings or attacks to being toothless, ineffectual, and then watch them fade to nought.

It’s anti-gnosticism, L337: no hylic realm: no inbuilt evil violation of good: everything is transubstantiated to paradisiacal levels: ideologies need not even be losable. This may be the first time we have a chance to not sacrifice or excise based on ideological incompatabilities, simply by recognizing that ideologies are not physical things occupying the same space, and that if you can fake it ’til you make it, you can make it ’til you fake it.

In the L337 Age, I do not have to actually care about the Rangers when I watch the Cup play-offs waiting for them to lose. Wanting the Rangers to lose, wanting any team to win or lose anything facilitates the enjoyment, but the elements themselves are enacted without having to be true, without a requirement of validity to back intensity. Definitive realness is lost and we all become Warholian prints. Space is not the place, but the appearance and behavior of place. Taste, texture, tint and tonality are superior to any innate realness that ever could be.

L337 is McLuhan’s global village, not some monocultural corporate complex of chain-stores and mass-produced t-shirts. Because L337 validates the validation. It validate – and it mandates – absurd declarations and mythic proofs. It allows, encourages, and makes irrefutable that this is the case, whether anyone ever intended it or not. Artifice is no less a thing than anything else, and it’s very frequently prettier and more badass than many other stuffs.”


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: